today, i’m sharing the one and only poem i’ve been able to finish all year.
i haven’t found much inspiration around me, recently. i haven’t felt in love, terribly depressed, filled with joy, or really anything. i’ve been a bit numb this year. each year i hope is “the year” i find happiness and get to throw my pain or worries away. but, there never will be that kind of year. every year has it’s highs and its lows and all the in between’s. and that’s just how it is, you can’t control it. no new years resolution will change your entire life experience. the only thing that can do that, is to surrender. let the lows be low and the highs be high. and the numbness, be numb. i’ve learned a shit ton this year, while feeling not a lot. i’ve experienced highs and lows, i’ve thrown pity parties and i’ve attended happy celebratory parties. and everything has been okay.
anyways, the poem. mourning glories is about trauma and healing. it’s very short, and you may read it and not understand how a little poem about getting flowers has anything to do with pain, trauma, and healing. yes, i got some flowers… but it was symbolic of all the blossoming change and growing through the hard times i’ve experienced. i wake up some days and never want to get up, I would rather sink into the ground and stay there because i feel i have nothing motivating me to live. but, i’ve learned to remind myself of the flowers. of all the good or even just okay things i have going for me. getting flowers from someone who cares about me, a cup of coffee waiting just upstairs, a job that isn’t my career but that is paying my bills and funding my future, MYSELF.
i have a hard time being okay, i’ve talked about it before. i easily allow the mental illness to take over, because it’s what i’m used to. but deep down i can feel myself healing, and that’s the best reminder i give myself everyday. i’m okay and i’m okay with that!
this was super all over the place, but sometimes that’s exactly what i need from you guys. just someone to talk to and share my messy thoughts with. i hope you like the poem and somehow found something worthy in my ramblings. stay safe, healthy, and okay;)