i officially announced a few weeks ago that i’m publishing my first poetry book! naturally, in the middle of this stressful adventure, i wanted to write about it for you guys. and for myself, let out all the stress and remember how excited i am.
the book is titled “inside her mind, inside her heart”. i was extremely close to titling it LOVE DEATH ANXIETY, but couldn’t get IHMIHH off my mind. i took a creative writing class my senior year of high school (hi, mrs. hawley!) and at the end of the year, we had to create a portfolio of all our work and inspirations. i titled mine “inside her brain, inside her heart”. fun fact: some of the poems in that portfolio are in my book!! anyways, ever since, that name has stuck with me and it just makes sense. my poems are my deepest thoughts, desires, fears, and secrets. and besides this book being published to the world, i don’t really share those things. at least not easily. so, it quite literally is a look inside my mind and my heart.
back to the scary uppercase words, LOVE DEATH ANXIETY. that title came from the three themes of this book. or chapters, i guess. i write about the things that i can’t get off my mind, whether i desperately want or don’t want to stop thinking about them. and it’s always one of those three things. if i’m thinking about someone i love and how much i love them, i want to write about it and read that poem over and over and bask in that beauty. or maybe i’m thinking about how depressed i am and how blah blah boring my life is and what the hell is the point of being here…. i write about that dumb shit and it sounds fucking amazing but i never want to read it again. (until i have to read everything i’ve ever written one million times to edit, format, place, etc. to make a frikin book. oof.)
as you read my book, you will be taken through the journey of me coping with all the struggles i’ve gone though. love. death. anxiety. (and mental health issues, heart break, ptsd, depression, self-love, past, present, and future.) releasing this book, which is basically just a paper version of me, is terrifying. but, i think it can help people. i write about feeling alone, and i never want anyone else to feel that way. no one is alone. so, letting others go through the journey of coping with their own struggles with the company of my book… makes the fear worth it.
this book is not the ending point of my mental health issues. yes, writing this book is what has kept me on my feet while having crippling anxiety, depression, and ptsd. writing this book is how i LEARNED to COPE with my problems. it is not what ended them. as i’m going through the publishing process, i am depressed bro. i am anxious as hell. i am sick of my ptsd. and i actually just started going back to therapy because i knew i couldn’t do it in my own, right now. i will struggle with all of these things forever, i think. but i get stronger every day that i live with their heaviness.
this book is for every one. i literally wish i could walk around the entire world and hand every single soul a copy of it. not because i think it’s so good and i’m such a great writer (although, that may be true;), but because i want to help everyone. and this how i know how…to share. and i can’t wait to share it with you.
more details of my book:
- it is being illustrated by the amazing artist, Aaron Piper! my uncle and long time bff. very cool roller coaster we are on right now, meeting once-twice a week to stay on track.
- it is written in all lowercase letters, with very rare exceptions. simply, cause that’s how i write.
- it will be available in paperback and hardback.
- Xlibris is helping me publish, so it is self published but, i have a huge team of people helping me. thank god.
- it is still currently on track to be released before 2019 is over. we are working our booty’s off. patience pls and thx.
- i am. scared.
- i am. SO FUCKING EXCITED.